what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
