I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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