You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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