He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
