Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
