yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
