You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
