she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
