We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
