this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
