Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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