I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
