just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so explain again why im purple
no
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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