is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
