We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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