dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize