I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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