I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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