i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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