the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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