It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
