It's Friday. Sex?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
