i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
