Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
