Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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