I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
