I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Pants are for mortals
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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