well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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