There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
