I want to have your abortion
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
