what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
