There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
