..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
