I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
