the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
