Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
