Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize