Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
