I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
