So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
