we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
