I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
