so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
