Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
