So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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