I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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