somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
