The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
