i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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