Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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