wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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