____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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