Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
