whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Couch. On fire.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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