i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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