every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
