I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
