she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
