What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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