I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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