so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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