you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
