I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
