I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
