I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
