im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
