Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
