remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
