I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
