We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
