I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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