Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
