I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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