We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
