wake up i wanna do it froggy style
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Let's paint friendship bongs
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
