Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
