The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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