at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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