It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
