You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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