hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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