I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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