Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
