I think my fart just growled at me.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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