If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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