Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
