I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
