Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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