Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my shit smells like andre
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
