today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
