I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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