dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
