Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize