she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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