I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
