You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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