HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
