gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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