just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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