Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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