oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
