bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
