I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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