too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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