My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
