Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
