Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He passed out mid-signature
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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