He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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