if you like me you must not know who I am
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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