go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
wow bdsm is so cute
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
