my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
