you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
