Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
