Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
