sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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