It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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